Missing My Loved One on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can be very difficult when you have experienced the loss of your significant other.

Recently I received a message from someone that had lost their husband.  She said:

“My husband died a year ago and people are expecting me to be the life and soul of the party but I still cry and grieve over him and miss him very much. In the evening I prefer to stay indoors and read a book rather than go out with friends and they are ringing less and less because I never return their calls. If only they would understand that my relationship was perfect and we were meant to be together forever so I cannot just forget him and move on as though nothing has happened. His death has finished me off.”

It is hard to move on when someone you love passes on.  You feel like a piece of you has gone with them. Losing a loved one no matter who they are can be difficult. It is hard during the times of birthdays, anniversaries, and when you hear a special song or something that reminds you of them. Everyone grieves differently and they go through the five stages of death but sometimes we get stuck at one of them or something else happens that brings us right back to the beginning.

No one can tell a person how to grieve and when to let go of grieving. It is something that is so individualized.  Sometimes people who have never been through the situation, may say rude things like, move on, he has been gone a year, you will meet someone new. Those are all the wrong things to say to someone, although some may mean well. Retreating to your own space to get away from the negative comments that may be upsetting in the first place, may sound like a good idea at the moment.

One thing to ask yourself is what did the two of you like to do together?  This will help you understand what things you are remembering about your love. What makes him who he was that you fell in deep love with him? You may not be able to bring him back, however his memory can live on forever through something that you did together. For instance, if he loved playing with dogs and the thought about helping every stray dog that was out there, maybe a great way to keep his memory alive is to donate your time to a pet rescue where you can give love to a dog that has been abandoned by a family. You will feel fulfilled at the end of the day, because you will see that the thing that someone meant for harm, you turned around to good.

Something else that can help is going to a place of peace for you, maybe a park, the beach, walking through gardens, whatever that place is and if you pray, asking God to help you and get through this with His help. Reading a daily devotion, can also help uplift you daily. If you find that the mornings are hard when you wake up because he is not there, that is the time that you can take to read that inspirational devotion to uplift your spirits as you go through the day. If at night is the hardest, that may be the time to invest  yourself in a hobby that you enjoy like dance, painting, sculpting or book clubs, depending on what you like to do. It will also help you meet new people who will not judge you because you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You are there to enjoy a hobby and nothing more so you can be yourself and just not worry that anyone knows anything about you.

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Christmas Countdown Day 16 Missing Family

This time of year can be very happy for many and sad for others and the seasons change based on what is happening in our lives.  Some have suffered the loss of a family member by death, others suffered divorce or loss of a relationship, friendship or family that drifts away.  Whatever the situation may be,  it is a loss that brings sadness to our lives.  Some families do not have financial ability to have a “good Christmas”.  Define ‘good Christmas,” is it presents, fancy decorations, big fancy dinners, or vacations?  For most of us, those things would be nice, but the reality is we all long to be loved unconditionally and to receive the greatest gift of all, to have someone special in our lives that will just spend time with us and love on us.  Many families have arguments during this time especially families who are divorced because each parent wants their child with them for the holiday and when we look around the child is the one affected at the end.  Later on these children grow up either resenting Christmas or really embracing it, it all depends how they perceive it.

This Christmas, let’s make it a conscious effort to set aside our disagreements, love on family and friends a little more and if we can give a tangible gift that is great, but if we cannot, then a heartfelt card that comes genuinely from your heart will go a long way. Remember those that are elderly and those that are missing a loved one this year.  It is not easy because that person is gone forever and although their memory lives on, the gap in our heart is always there as we miss them.  If you have your loved ones with you, hug and kiss them a little longer and make memories that you can treasure always because tomorrow is not promised and we should not live with regrets in our lives.  Forgiveness is not always easy, because we have to be humble, but at the end, you will be a much better person for it.

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Boy watching snow fall


Sad girl with her fighting parents