Valentine’s Day can be very difficult when you have experienced the loss of your significant other.

Recently I received a message from someone that had lost their husband.  She said:

“My husband died a year ago and people are expecting me to be the life and soul of the party but I still cry and grieve over him and miss him very much. In the evening I prefer to stay indoors and read a book rather than go out with friends and they are ringing less and less because I never return their calls. If only they would understand that my relationship was perfect and we were meant to be together forever so I cannot just forget him and move on as though nothing has happened. His death has finished me off.”

It is hard to move on when someone you love passes on.  You feel like a piece of you has gone with them. Losing a loved one no matter who they are can be difficult. It is hard during the times of birthdays, anniversaries, and when you hear a special song or something that reminds you of them. Everyone grieves differently and they go through the five stages of death but sometimes we get stuck at one of them or something else happens that brings us right back to the beginning.

No one can tell a person how to grieve and when to let go of grieving. It is something that is so individualized.  Sometimes people who have never been through the situation, may say rude things like, move on, he has been gone a year, you will meet someone new. Those are all the wrong things to say to someone, although some may mean well. Retreating to your own space to get away from the negative comments that may be upsetting in the first place, may sound like a good idea at the moment.

One thing to ask yourself is what did the two of you like to do together?  This will help you understand what things you are remembering about your love. What makes him who he was that you fell in deep love with him? You may not be able to bring him back, however his memory can live on forever through something that you did together. For instance, if he loved playing with dogs and the thought about helping every stray dog that was out there, maybe a great way to keep his memory alive is to donate your time to a pet rescue where you can give love to a dog that has been abandoned by a family. You will feel fulfilled at the end of the day, because you will see that the thing that someone meant for harm, you turned around to good.

Something else that can help is going to a place of peace for you, maybe a park, the beach, walking through gardens, whatever that place is and if you pray, asking God to help you and get through this with His help. Reading a daily devotion, can also help uplift you daily. If you find that the mornings are hard when you wake up because he is not there, that is the time that you can take to read that inspirational devotion to uplift your spirits as you go through the day. If at night is the hardest, that may be the time to invest  yourself in a hobby that you enjoy like dance, painting, sculpting or book clubs, depending on what you like to do. It will also help you meet new people who will not judge you because you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You are there to enjoy a hobby and nothing more so you can be yourself and just not worry that anyone knows anything about you.

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